Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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