I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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