I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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