It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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