the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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