I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
