I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
