Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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