the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
