I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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