I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
