i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
