last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Farmville is her only friend.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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