Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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