He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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