we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
