Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
