Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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