New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
