Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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