That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
