Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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