I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
