So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
