I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so let's talk penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she peed on how many people?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
