My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
