dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
