Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
