How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
