my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
