Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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