wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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