i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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