Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
