I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
where are you?
Hypothermia
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
