Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
