i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
