What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize