I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My feet surprised me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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