You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
