Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
