She's JV to your varsity
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize