he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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