ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
