We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
