How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
