Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
