I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
