ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
