just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My bed smells like the plague
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