Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
