The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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