My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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