So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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