Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize