I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
