It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize