If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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