jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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