office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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