My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
