i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He did a backflip because drugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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