i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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