I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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