it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
