You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
