Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
