I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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