I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
