I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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