dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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